Gaines-fully empowered!

<-- Gaines, yesterday at my house

I apologize to my readers for not updating my Chris Gaines blog for the last two days. I’ve received over ten thousand emails and though I admit I am still sorting through them, I get the point: you needs your Chris Gaines news!

Chris Gaines has no formal tour planned for Spring 2008. There have been a few sporadic reports of a gig or two in Brisbane, but nothing has been verified – and that’s just the way Chris likes it.

<-- Me (left), giving those Fonzie hands I'm so famous for

Here’s something to chew on. Compare the lives of James Dean and Chris Gaines. Uncanny, huh? Both geniuses. Both of their work has changed the world forever in a good way.

I think that what Chris Gaines has done for music is the same thing that Louie Pastor has done for pasteurization. Chew on that.

On previous message boards we discussed Gaines as a reluctant sex symbol. All of that may change soon if internet reports out of the Philippines prove to be true. He’s slated to pose nude in one of their local newspapers. Full-frontal insanity has been reported. If anyone hears any advance news on this subject, drop me an e-bomb.

Gaines will begin endorsing a sports drink in North Korea this December. The name of the drink translates roughly to Mad Energy Now! No word on if this drink will become available in the States.