Thou Shalt Covet Your Neighbor

as related by Thomas L. Nordstrom*

My wife, Denise, and I were taking a walk around the greenbelt the other day when we came across a neighbor of ours named Gary. Gary knows my wife from the PTA and from last weekend when they fucked. I should know. I was there. In fact, I videotaped it.
Much has been made of neighborhoods and neighbors, and of the fact that no longer do neighbors know each other. My neighbors and I may not share recipes or sit together on front porches, but we do relate in another way.

It’s funny to think that all of this started when another neighbor of ours named Vince introduced himself at the mailboxes. He gave me a firm handshake that lingered and before I knew it he was rubbing my shoulders. Needless to say I was intrigued and now there isn’t a neighbor on my block that I do not know. And by know, I mean know carnally. And by carnally, I mean that I’ve had sex with all of them. Even stodgy, old Mr. Wellington.

To be honest, I didn’t know what to think about the guy, but now after I had a threeway with him and his wife, we’ve become really good friends. It turns out he’s a big time sports fan like me.

I’m proud to know my neighbors. I think it’s better this way. Our private trysts and sexual escapades have brought us closer together as a community. No longer do I walk head down to the mailbox. Now, I’m fucking the mailperson. Her name is Betty. Nice gal.

*An alias given to protect Jim Patterson, HOA Ombudsman